Every Three Weeks I Let Cancer Win A Battle

On this day, typically the fifth or sixth since my last chemotherapy infusion, every insecurity and unspoken fear of mine wraps their icy fingers around my wrist and drags me deeper and deeper into the abyss. I can’t fight it. I simply don’t have the strength. My body feels heavy and useless. My antiemetic pills bring me no relief from…

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Love Is All Around Us (Even In My Chemo Unit)

A chemotherapy unit is a funny place to find yourself. It’s almost verging on parody. On one hand you’re surrounded by all these seriously ill people – bald, pale, shrunken forms – a snapshot of cancer at it’s most wicked. It also serves as a stark reminder that a cancer diagnosis unleashes a tsunami of toxicities on the body and…

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Bowel Cancer At 37 Is Something To Shout About

The weekend before my first chemo session my husband whisked me away on a surprise spa break. It was meant to be a relaxing, let’s-forget-about-all-that-cancer-crap for 24 hours… Alas, cancer’s shadow cast long and dark over even the most lightly scented of spa treatment rooms. I was asked to fill out a health questionnaire, you see. It’s a standard procedure.…

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Cancer: A Series of Compromises I Don’t Want To Make

My youngest, Jess, starts school on Monday. She’s so excited she might burst. She keeps packing her new book bag with toys and taking her new Clarks shoes out of their box. The build-up to this big event has been carefully micromanaged, often from my bedside. Shoes were bought six weeks ago regardless of the inevitable ‘summer growth spurt’. Her…

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The Big Crash

I knew it was coming. It was inevitable the moment my father passed away last month. The Big Crash. The lower-than-low point. The brick wall. The culmination of two months of sheer and utter hell… I hoped it might come during my chemo treatment, during those 3 months of social wasteland, when I had my head stuck in a toilet…

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What My Father Meant To Me

This week I was invited by a production team in New York to record a podcast to discuss, amongst other things, how my outlook on life has changed since my cancer diagnosis. Over the course of the interview my words strayed to my father. As many of you know, he lost his own cancer battle just one month ago. Moments…

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Recipe: Breakfast Berry-Bonanza Smoothie

The worst thing about cancer is the loss of control over your body – that’s pure hell for a control freak like me! One way I’m striking back is through diet and exercise. These are the small things that I DO have a say in… With chemo imminent I’ve adopted a strict veggie diet (plus fresh fish for the good…

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